Q*bert's Qubes
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1  |  2600 Q-Bert's Qubes: View from the Tower
chadtower , 8/13/2003 10:51:15 AM
Usually I’ll give any video game a good amount of time before saying I don’t like it. I’ll play it, come back and play it again, read some documents about it, play it again, and then just sigh and conclude that it’s not good. I did all of that with Q-Bert’s Qubes and can safely say this game is terrible. I don’t mean terrible the way I said Q-Bert is terrible. This game is terrible the way someone sticking poison ivy in your jock strap is terrible.

Graphics – 6/10
Probably the only reason this game gets as high as a 6, and this is the only category that will get it a 6, is because I don’t know what the heck I’m supposed to be looking at. The game looks like it could be pretty but it’s so unplayable that you don’t know if it is or if that’s your mind rejecting the reality of the uselessness of this game.

Control - 4/10
The control for this game is actually better than its predecessor. You can figure out where Q-Bert is going to go and actually make him consistently go there. Why you’re moving him around is anyone’s guess.

Sound – 2/10
It sounds pretty much like Q-Bert. I don’t know if that’s good or bad, but since I gave Q-Bert a 2, I’m going to give this game a 2 as well. The sound could be worse, I suppose, if you played it on channel 4 while your console is set to channel 3.

Replay value – 0/10
I don’t ever want to play this game again. I feel as though I wasted my time playing this game. My behind is angry at me for the time it was forced to bear my weight on a folding chair while I played this game. The thought that I could have been doing something more enjoyable, like yanking nose hairs, instead of playing this game makes me sad. I played it for an hour and couldn’t even figure out the objective.

Total – 12/40

Conclusion – If not for the rarity and collector’s value for this game I’d probably take it outside and vent my frustration on the cartridge. I’m convinced half the reason it’s so rare is that it’s so bad that not even Q-Bert fans bought it. This truly is a rare sequel to an arcade classic and you’d have made an excellent find if you picked it up. Don’t play it, though. Put it in a ziplock bag and play Berzerk instead.

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