No, I’m not being rude with the title of this review – ok, maybe just a tiny bit – but no, “Go To Hell” is the name of this game. (And a command or suggestion, I guess.)
Yes, it’s your duty to try to make it down all 666 meters to hell. Why? You’ll find that out if you make it there...
This combines a few elements of the old classics of Boulderdash and the arcade game The Pit with a hint of Lode Runner and Dig Dug. Here you must dig with your trusty ax (however that's going to work underwater and all) to make it down to hell. Along the way you must contend with rocks, torches, spikes, snakes, bats, and lava (of course), all of which will cause damage if you touch them, even death if you stay in contact with anything for too long. (Insert any sermon from pretty much any religion here why none of this is a good idea.)
And if the above wasn’t enough, you could also run out of air if you don’t watch your oxygen meter or starve to death if you don’t keep on replenishing your energy, since you’ll lose out on that with every swing of your ax. (I guess that’s what you get for sitting around playing too many video games. And as any nutty parent or religious whiner will attest, that’s what’s probably sending you to hell in the first place.) Luckily there’s food littered around the caverns (that somehow doesn’t rot from the heat and is still good to eat after it’s been doused with water that’s found in the caverns) that will bring your energy level back up and health kits will help when you’ve taken damage (or if you’re out of energy and there’s no food to be found). You’ll also need to collect 50 coins in order to be admitted into hell, should you be able to reach the place.
As I mentioned several classics earlier, this is good old school gaming. The graphics are awful though – this game would’ve looked halfway decent on a few computer systems back in the 80s – but it’s got some parallax scrolling in a couple of places that is cool and somewhat makes up for that. The keyboard arrow keys work fairly well (unless you’re in a hurry as you try not to drown or escape a creature), the sounds are adequate, and the music’s even better. There’s a couple of bugs in the game and you can get screwed over pretty good at times, but it can also be addicting too, and one of the few gripes I have is that you don’t get any points for squishing any bats or snakes with boulders when your score is tallied at the end; I think that’s a bit of a bad oversight.
And the best part of this game? No, not beating it – actually the ending isn’t bad, as it’s kind of cute, it just needs to be a little longer, I think – but if someone asks you what you’re doing, you can tell them “GO TO HELL!” 7/10