Total Recall
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1  |  Total Garbage
Iloveto , 3/5/2003 2:43:53 AM
Movie games truly are an enigma; they are either the most foul and disgusting piece of wafer imaginable, or a pretty interesting ride through a known universe. The problem is, most fall into the aforementioned category; they are bad. And bad is easily the nicest way of putting it for a game with such reckless abandon production as ‘Total Recall.”

Games are supposed to be pretty fun to play right? A little bit innovative? Even slightly comprehendible? Every developer should make sure their game is going to at least answer one of these questions. Surely they wouldn’t let a game slip through without maybe testing it on a human being (With actual taste). I guess sometimes these things just happen, and “Total Recall” is one of those results.

Everything about his game feels awkward. First off, when Arnie punches his fist just appears in front of chest, in an area where a fist would never appear! Secondly, the jumping is a riot; it looks almost like he’s skipping from ugly destination to ugly destination like a little girl going to school with the hope of landing a dream date with handsome boy “Chad.”

This crazy animation is coupled with, you guessed it, crazy control and the most off-base collision detection encountered. Enemies will literally take blows without appearing to be hut at all; it’s almost as if your fists become transparent for a second to allow “Sharon Stone” a little time to regroup while firing a gun at you that fires the occasion frame skipping bullet. And oh yeah, forget about Arnie agreeing with your button presses; he likes to take a little while before tackling the issues you feel are important to the current situation in order to cause himself a little more pain (Hell, he did pull a red ball out of his nose).

When it comes down to it the only redeeming quality of this cart is the music and even that can become pretty tiresome in a game where cheapness kills you more than your inability to play video games. To play this game is to know what “Bad” can be, and that in itself should make the developers feel like they have accomplished something. It’s similar to the guilty pleasure of a B-movie, or listening to an Avril Lavigne song, even watching women’s basketball (Wait, scratch that, women’s basketball is not good, even in a bad way).

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