Photos by Darryl B. and Spike the Percussionist
A few
musings on several personal childhood pastimes of mine:
Throwing stuff at girls -- Girls were The Enemy when I was little. Keep them away! They're icky! They're evil! Well, except for that one cute one, maybe not HER...but nowadays I would rather shower them with affection rather than rocks. Good thing I've matured a lot since then, eh? (picks nose)
Slinky -- This was a neat, springy toy that could "walk" down stairs if you used it right. Unfortunately there weren't any stairs at my parents' house, so it wasn't that much fun. (Granted, if I had the brainpower back then, I could've figured out that I could have leaned a two by four against a table at a 45 degree angle and used that instead, but oh well.)
Cartoons -- I don't need to explain these, do I? Watching Wile E. Coyote with his one-track mind and Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder in trying to catch the Roadrunner no matter what never got old.
Perfection -- This was a fun game that consisted of a board with geometric shapes imbedded on it. You had to set the timer and frantically try to put all of the pieces in their corresponding slots before the timer ran out; fail to do so, and the board would pop up and scatter the pieces everywhere. Actually, losing WAS fun as well, as the pieces would pop up, get scattered on the floor, and then hopefully my sister would step on them as she walked by. Heh, teach her to walk around barefoot.
Shiny things -- See Slinky. These came in all shapes and sizes, especially -- whoa! There's a shiny thing, kind of like a TV, and some guy is standing in front of it and wrestling a control of some sort -- hey! You can actually CONTROL one of the shiny things on the TV thing? What IS this, mommy? (Mommy mumbles something about it being a "waste of quarters".) Oh, so I MUST try it out then! Gimmie gimmie!
Yes, I was born at juuuuust the right time (1968), in my opinion, to catch the beginning of the craze known as video games: their reign started out a bit slowly in the 1970s, going from Pong to tank-type to racing to a few sport games, among a few others...and then Space Invaders came along, creating a huge arcade boom then!
Unfortunately, as you grow up, things change for you: obviously my attitude towards females changed, I couldn't give a rat's butt about Slinkys nowadays, cartoons can still be fun, but MAN they're violent (hate to sound old there, but it's true!), I don't know if Perfection's ever made a comeback or not (you know how they keep on bringing back Simon, Battleship and all), and video games are still a part of my life, but they've changed too. They're no good nowadays! All those polygon graphics with fancy cutscenes don't always make a good game! You kids, you know nothing...and that "music" you listen to is just a bunch of noise too! (Ok, I'm kidding on those last two things, as there are still good games out there, and I'm especially kidding about "noise" part of music, since I listen to death metal, so I'm not one to throw stones there.)
Because the thing is, if you're fairly good at video games in general, like I am, a lot of old favorites don't age well, plus their fun factor probably won't hold out as long as they used to either (or how you THOUGHT they used to): if you go back to some old games that you used to love, at times you can find them boring nowadays; how'd that happen?
And games that were once huge arcade hits ages ago -- Defender, Tempest, Robotron: 2084, Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, etc., etc., etc. -- you'll have trouble finding nowadays, especially with the arcade industry in a slump. So chances are pretty good you'll have to spend a bit of time looking around for old favorites, even though you can buy several of them in an arcade package for a gaming console (several Atari ones are available, Williams Arcade's Greatest Hits for the Sega Genesis, SNES, Playstation, etc.), but when was the last time you played the "real thing"? And emulation, among us video game purists in general, can come close, but it's still "not the same".
Unless you happen to be able to attend a video game expo bringing back long lost and/or forgotten friends.
CONVENTIONALLY (is that a word?) SPEAKING
I've been to a lot of conventions in my life in regards to the science fiction and the music fields, both of which can be a lot of fun.
The sci-fi conventions I haven't enjoyed as much over the years, but that's mostly due to their merchandise being a bit more expensive than what I've found at record conventions, and due to financial problems for years due to various hardships in my life (which I won't go into), I haven't been able to enjoy the sci-fi ones as much, but they're still fun to attend. There's all kinds of stuff to buy, like posters, 8 x 10s of favorite sci-fi stars or scenes from sci-fi movies or TV shows, t-shirts, trading cards, model kits, or even various bootleg products (and shame on people who purchase them!) of your favorite sci-fi movies and TV shows, whether it be endless goodies from the Star Wars and Star Trek universes, or the lesser product-produced, more underground (or "cult") shows of Babylon 5 or Blake's 7, among many others.
The Infinite Record conventions that I attend here in Houston I've always fared a lot better at, though, even with little money, due to them carrying a lot of albums (remember vinyl?) and CDs for as little as four dollars (plus only three dollars to get in is a steal, which that was raised from only two dollars only about 10 years ago). Plus when you're into a huge range of music from death metal to new age to dark ambient to video game music to Indian music to some top 40, and all kinds of stuff in between, chances are pretty good you're going to come out with something, and for a pretty decent price too, especially if a dealer bought out someone's music store that went out of business (which I've happened upon before).
But a video game exposition...nope, never been to one of those...until this year.
COMPARING APPLES WITH ORANGATUNS
Here's how the conventions stack up for me:
Sci-fi conventions are kind of strange around here...and no, I don't mean in regards to weirdos being dressed up in strange costumes and speaking only Klingon (literally! There's CD sets and books where you can learn how to do this), but for some reason, even though Houston's a lot larger than Dallas, I've seen fliers of Dallas shows where they get four or five times as many sci-fi stars per show than we do, for some reason; sure, we've gotten Warwick Davis from Willow, Erin Gray from the Buck Rogers TV series (who still looks VERY good, as I saw her in '98), Phil Brown, who played Uncle Owen from Star Wars Episode 4 (big line for him!), and Max Grodenchik, who played Rom from Star Trek: Deep Space 9, among others, but Dallas always seems to get four to five times more stars per convention than we do. Plus, the majority of actors we always seem to get include people from one of the Star Wars films that had maybe one line before their Star Destroyer got blown up, or some guy from Star Trek: Voyager who was seen in the background on two episodes pressing a blue button, and now they're doing the tour circuit, charging $5 a pop for autographs in hopes of saving up enough money to buy some ammo for their handguns so they can shoot their agent in the head for getting them such crappy gigs, and not enough acting jobs.
The record conventions have always been good, as there have only been two of them EVER where I walked out empty-handed in over ten years of attending them, and once in my life when work was really consistent, I didn't miss one SINGLE record convention (note: that's when they had their shows every other month, right now it's monthly) in a year and a half.
Here's how they go, in a nutshell: I turn in my postcard I got in the mail at the front desk so I won't have to fill out a form to keep my name and address current. A big grin crosses my face as I step into the huge showroom, which is always laid out like this:
(to the left) Lotta posters and all. (straight ahead) Look, CDs for only $4 in this bin! (to the right) Albums, albums and more albums...anyone who thinks you can't get albums any more, you've never been to one of these shows! (people are filtering in; looking left again) Whoa, that rock and roll babe isn't wearing many clothes; about THE only good thing about this Houston heat. (looks a little bit more to the left) Oh my, what a huge boyfr-- (looks right again) Hey, did I mention they've got albums?!
I've gotten a lot of good deals at these conventions over the years; they're great. And even a few vendors have been there as long as I can remember going to them, since 1987.
But a gaming expo has GOT to be better, due to it being interactive, what with playing games! Yee-ha! (Ok, so you can dance around to a new CD, that's "interactive", I guess...wait: me, dance? Nooooooo! Let's not go there...)
YOU'RE IN HOUSTON. IT'S HOT. YOU'RE CONSCIOUS. WHAT DO YOU DO?
Do something that involves staying the heck indoors, that's what. I couldn't help but overhear an older gentleman at a temp job once saying "ever notice how the words 'Houston', 'hot', 'hell', 'heat', and 'humidity' all start with the letter h?" Yeah, no kidding.
To those around the country who have yet to turn on their central air, much less their air conditioners (which we've had both on for the last several weeks now), here in June, 2004, it had been hitting in the 90s all the week of the expo, but I think the day of the show that I attended -- June 5th -- it was a little cooler than normal (although it still had to have been in the 80s, at least). But with this all being indoors, I did not care in the least, for once.
As far as what to do on this day, enter H. A. A. G., the Houston Area Arcade Group, with their Houston Classic Coin-Op Arcade and Pinball Expo. Thank God for these guys, along with Twin Galaxies being there as well, sponsoring several contests to see if any world records for video game scores could officially be broken. There was also a pinball and arcade tournament, a raffle for a reconditioned Ms. Pac-Man machine, and cash and door prizes awarded. (As it would turn out later, none of the world records were broken. Keith Christensen, founder and president of H. A. A. G., later informed me by e-mail Dwayne Richards won the Star Wars contest with a score of 2,337,494 [with the game set on it's hardest difficulty], with Eric Shadox being the runner-up with 1,391,504 points scored, Jon Christian won the Attack from Mars pinball tournament with a score of 10,827,585,900, and the runner-up was Jose Marrnez with 10.2 billion points, and Christie Bayer won the reconditioned Ms. Pac-Man game, which she had also just gotten married recently, to boot!)
Back to the Twin Galaxies deal, though, which was actually very unique, as three contests were going on at similar expos in two other cities across the country: those in Madison, Wisconsin, and Portland, Oregon, resulting in a championship entitled the Classic Video Game Championships Across America (insert Rocky theme here...or something from the Tron video game would probably work as well).
STEPPING UP TO THE MIKE
Well, I breezed into the show at about 3:10 p. m. Due to being a former member of the forums at www.atariage.com, I recognized Albert Yarusso from his photo in their gallery, and I was introduced to his friend (in a great Space Invaders shirt) as to being Spike, also from Atari Age. Needless to say, things must be going really well when you end up chatting with two people for 15-20 minutes before you even go INTO a beloved video and pinball game expo (with free games!). To greet (and taunt) everyone when they first walked into the place was the reconditioned Ms. Pac-Man arcade game to be awarded later. All kinds of free pamphlets and business cards were available at the greeting table where you picked up your tickets as well, one of which was provided by what I assume is a new company (due to, at press time, nothing on their web site is currently linkable to anything other than it's main screen) called Hi Score, who appears to create video game reproduction stickers and marquee magnets (which you can check them out at www.hi-score.us), which they had a great complimentary Space Invader sticker (see photo) with one of their handouts.
Inside, fitting time period music of the 70s and 80s arcade boom blared, along with the occasional video game song as well (yes, including probably the all-time most popular one of "Pac Man Fever"). A very good mix was played, from hard rock to European new wave to the occasional pop tune, and in the 3 1/2 hours or so that I spent at the show, I'm pretty sure they didn't repeat a single song. Several raffles were done during that time, giving away video game-related t-shirts, posters, dolls (a stuffed Pac-Man) and more.
THINGS TO SEE AND GAMES TO PLAY
(Note: before I get into the actual game photos and all, I would like to first off apologize for several missed photo opportunities. My mother's digital camera's flash [which I had to borrow for this] always goes off no matter what [unless you're either in a room with an abundance of natural light or outside], which turning it down at various settings either made photos too dark or getting in what I thought was just enough light would still produce a glare from most machines [machines with anti-glare glass have only become more common for the past decade or so, and I'm more interested in the old stuff, of course!]. I'm sure many a classic gaming fan will be bummed out that my shots of the pinball/video game hybrid of Baby Pac-Man, several Discs of Tron photos all turned out blurry [dunno why that was, even with several tries/shots] and my shots of the Don Bluth laser disc classics of Dragon's Lair and Dragon's Lair II: Time Warp right next to each other didn't turn out very well at all, but at least you can check out www.dragonslairproject.com and www.klov.com for photos of the machines there. I was also unable to get a shot of the laser disc game Firefox either: taking a digital movie [then having a frame of it exported to a photo] of a movie looks really bad in general. It's a shame, too, since laser disc games are rare, although somehow a couple of stills from the laser disc game of Badlands turned out halfway decent, and even though not crisp and clear, I thought the Reactor shot of part of the marquee and some of the screen came out kind of eerie, yet cool, since you couldn't see the outline of the game cabinet! Hopefully with whatever the next expo it is that I attend next things will go better then.)
The first thing I did was check out a very unique personal favorite of mine, Major Havoc (FORGET the scathing Game Museum entry of it on www.classicgaming.com, the guy knows nothing!). This was the first time I had played one with its big roller controller, which was new to Spike as well (who graciously took my photo with the machine, as per request). In this game, during the first stage, you shoot at ships (or creatures resembling flying fish, of all things) before you can dock on the space station, which leads to the second stage, which requires you to go through a maze, touch the reactor to set it off, and then leave before the station explodes. Of course, the stations get bigger and are filled with more peril as time goes on.
Astro Blaster was another one I grabbed early on, which the later released Atari 2600 game Megamania seemed to borrow from, what with being a Space Invader-type shooter, as there's different things that attack you with every round, and at the end of every stage you must dock with a space station to refuel. You're also allowed one warp per level to slow things down, and the game's got a ton of secret bonuses, like it was created just for that very purpose (that, and to be one of the earlier talking games ever, as a computer voice warns you of various dangers).
I played a game of Asteroids Deluxe at the very end (I'll get to that later) of the show, which is a game I've been wanting to play again for years, which was cool to have a step up from the original Asteroids game, as this one gives you more to deal with in regards to a new set of hazards. I should have played the very rare Blaster again for the first time in years, but I didn't for some reason or another; duh (oh well, I couldn't stay for very long). For some reason I sucked on the elevator screen on Donkey Kong, as it seems like the elevator you hop off of has to be EXACTLY level with the platform you want to jump onto, as it seemed like being a quarter inch too high would cause me to die. Hmmm... (Note: Chuplayer, a regular of the Classic Gaming forums, has since notified me that the screen has *always* been like that, as it had been so long since I had played that game that I had forgotten that!)
Reactor I did TERRIBLE on with my first game, but on my second one I did way better. The trackball seemed to be overly sensitive, but then I took that as a good sign, due to the games being in pretty decent shape overall in general. Moon Patrol I broke two speed records for the day, although I really sucked at Baby Pac-Man, never even clearing a single screen! Also, with every time you hit one or two drop targets, the entire row would pop back up, which I don't recall it doing that originally...and Firefox would also skip around a bit, but that's probably due to it's old laser disc needing some maintenance.
One funny thing is how George Lucas somehow never sued Exidy over Star Fire (to the best of my knowledge), due to it's severe likeness to Star Wars (with the same Star Wars-type logo on the demo screen, along with the T. I. E. Fighter rip-offs as you suspiciously fire four x-shaped laser beams). I did better on this than I did when it originally came out, but I've never understood how to obtain more fuel...? How well, it had been well over a decade since I had sat inside one of those machines.
I also got Spike to join me for a game of Gauntlet II, being pretty versed on the original version that was included with the Genesis version of Gauntlet 4, although this one seemed to have it's difficulty level ramped up a bit high: Lobbers on level 2? I had also forgotten about those blasted acid puddles, along with a lot of new stuff to pick up, like becoming Repelled, I think the little power-up was called, which the monsters would leave whatever player alone that grabbed it (which Spike would grab anything he came across as we played -- he would've made a great lab rat in another life -- and once that wore off, Spike lamented "guess I'm not repellant any more"). We had to restart several times to not even make it to the 15th level, which, on a good game of Gauntlet 4, I usually could get there by myself with only having to use one credit of 1,000 health, if I even had to use a credit at all. Meh...
On the other hand, there were a few classics I flat-out avoided for various reasons, some of which included Robotron, Sinistar, and Stargate, due to having them on my Genesis collection of Williams Arcade's Greatest Hits, as I had been playing those perfectly translated versions for years; a friend of mine down the street used to own Space Duel, so I had played enough of that over the years as well; I figured Space Invaders would probably seem boring, and I'm not into sports games, so that left out Track and Field and NBA Jam. Unfortunately I missed out on Missile Command and Wizard of Wor (which I'll get to later), and Q*Bert was pretty busy whenever I walked by. Crud...
A few other games that also appeared were Turbo Sub, Warrior, a 1979 vector sword battle game, House of the Dead (uh, not exactly old guys!), Discs of Tron, Star Wars (blew up the Death Star quite a few times), Crazy Climber, Millipede, and several more, so check out the H. A. A. G. website of www.arcadecenter.com for it's list of the games that were there (which is mostly correct).
And as far as pinball games went, I didn't spend too much time on those, but the newer Terminator 2 was there (which Ah-nold informed me that "you missed" during the launcher sequence, as per usual), and I remember wondering what the deal was when High Speed debuted, with the flashing sirens on top and all...until I actually got to play it one day, which, yeah, it was a killer game, all right! They also had it's sequel of The Getaway, as well as Attack from Mars and it's sequel of Revenge from Mars, and I recall playing F-14 Tomcat when I was in college, being the earliest multi-ball game that I had ever played (those multi-ball games had probably already been around for a few years as it was, but I abandoned pinball for years due to video games at one point). I also played a pinball game called Review, which I'll get to the significance of that later, but unfortunately the later decades of fancy pinballs tend to spoil you from the simpler, classic games of yesteryear, as we need more than just spinners, drop targets and such to have fun, as Lost World didn't hold my interest for too long either, unfortunately, I hate to admit. Oh well. (For a list of all the pins that appeared in the expo, again, check with the H. A. A. G. website for a recap.)
THINGS TO SEE, GAMES TO PLAY, AND PEOPLE TO ANNOY
At one point during the expo, myself and Yarusso juuuuust happened to approach Spike at the same time while he was trying to concentrate on Lunar Lander. I couldn't hear much of what Albert was saying, although he was definitely trying to break up his concentration, whereas I was chiding him about "peer pressure" and "use the Force!", which caused him to crash, and it said on the game that he made a two mile wide crater, which I said "two miles! That's something to be proud of!" He then turned around and left, saying "you guys messed me up!"
Uh oh. Inspiration time.
Keeping that in mind, here's a list of Things To Do To Annoy People at a Classic Gaming Expo, which you could go on forever with a list like this, so I just limited it to several of the games that I saw there (or ones that were supposed to have been there).
1. Walk around the arcade looking confused and ask why none of the games have polygon graphics.
2. When playing Asteroids or Asteroids Deluxe, look around in a crazed manner while saying "they...won't...stop...multiplying!" Pretend to have a nervous breakdown.
3. When playing Defender and you lose a humanoid when a Lander takes it, shriek "they got Aunt Martha!" Do this every time a humanoid is lost, naming a family member after each one, and when the planet blows up, grab the nearest bystander and yell "you're gonna be next!"
4. Whenever you enter the Stargate as you play that game, look bewildered and say "what'd THAT do? Where am I?" When someone explains to you what the Stargate does, continue with "oh. Dude, where's my car?"
5. While playing the original Star Wars, wonder aloud why Atari never came out with games for The Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi. When someone says that they did come out with those games, act embarrassed.
6. Walk around the arcade asking people if they've ever suffered from Pac-Man Fever.
7. Whenever you get to a Brain wave in Robotron: 2084, hunch forward in your best zombie impression while saying "braiiiiiiiins". Keep at least one Brain alive, along with several family members, then walk around in a circle with your arms stiffly in front of you, and at the same time the Brain catches and reprograms a family member onscreen, reach over and grab someone while zapping them with a joy buzzer.
8. When playing Berzerk, complain about how huge an ego Evil Otto must have for announcing his presence every time he enters a maze. Talk back to the robots in a robot-like fashion, like when the phrase "the humanoid must not escape" comes up, say back "I-will-escape".
9. When playing Gauntlet or Gauntlet II, mumble what the deal is "with all this fantasy crap" and ask why you don't see a Clint Eastwood character, claiming that the game was based on his movie.
10. When watching the cinematic demo to Firefox, ask why Clint Eastwood isn't shown.
11. While playing Track and Field, claim that the game had the first unlockable character ever and how to get it...in this case, unlocking an athlete that looks like Clint Eastwood.
12. If you can get to the King Kong scene in Crazy Climber, yell "hey, what's Donkey Kong doing in here? Does Nintendo know about this?" Mumble that you know a guy who's a copyright lawyer.
13. When someone's playing a tabletop game -- any game -- buy some food, bring it in and set it down right in the middle of the screen, proclaiming that this is your favorite table to eat at, due to it's "pretty lights". If you haven't been thrown out by the time you've finished eating, prop your feet up on the game and proclaim it's your favorite table to prop your feet up on, claiming that it makes your feet tingle.
14. When mining the planetoids in Sinistar, sing "Working in a Coal Mine".
15. While playing Major Havoc, sing "I think I'm a clone now", spoofing Debbie Gibson's 80s hit of "I Think We're Alone Now". (note: Major Havoc is a clone, in case you didn't get that one)
16. While playing Discs of Tron, claim you have a frisbee that looks just like the ones in the game and you named it Flynn.
17. If you're able to happen upon the very rare Quake Arcade Tournament Edition prototype, ask the manager how many of the protos he owns. When he says he only has the one, laugh and say "dude, I've got THREE!" Keep on laughing and telling of how lame he is to only buy one of them until he gets red in the face. (Note: I'll get to this later about a person owning one of these machines at the show.)
18. One of the theories of Tempest is that the game's theme is based on electricity. When someone watches you play, claim the game is actually the total opposite and is actually based on the Amish. Say that you modeled your entire life after the game and that you gave away all of your fancy electronic stuff. Make up things as to what everything in the game supposedly represents, like the Spiker represents an Amish farmer, and the spike represents his hoe, the Fuseball represents electricity, which is why you have to destroy it, etc.
19. Pretend to play games that are out of order; when someone asks you what you are doing or claims that the game isn't working, yell "you FOOL! I'm about to beat the game!" Bitterly complain that no one will let you concentrate.
20. When playing the Star Wars rip-off game Star Fire, claim that when the T. I. E. Fighter lookalike ships get very close, if you look very carefully, for an instant you can see Stormtroopers in the cockpits flipping you the finger.
21. Sing "Splish Splash" while playing Bubbles.
22. Make gobbling sounds while playing Turkey Shoot.
23. When someone walks up behind you while playing Q*Bert, claim you know what it is that Q*Bert REALLY says when he loses a life. Change your answer every time a new person walks up.
24. When you lose all of your cities in Missile Command and the game ends, say "I see dead people!"
25. While playing Battlezone, intone like Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now: "I love the smell of napalm in the morning!"
26. When playing Track and Field (or any other sports game), ask people if the game ever made them get athlete’s foot. Claim it happens to you all the time.
27. Walk around the arcade, telling everyone games are evil and they're all going to hell. Pass out religious literature.
28. When someone is playing Space Duel, whip out a plastic light saber while humming the theme of "Duel of the Fates" from Star Wars Episode I and attack the machine with it.
29. While playing Frogger and the theme plays, claim the piece has lyrics and ask everyone around if they know what they are, since you forgot them. Or better yet, make up your own and sing them whenever the theme plays.
30. Whenever someone plays Star Trek, tell them to "use the Force" while making maniacal Captain Kirk-like hand gestures. When you hear Scotty speak during the game, say "beam me up Scotty, this planet sucks!"
31. While playing Lunar Lander, tell of how the moon landing was fake, but what you're witnessing is the real thing. When you crash your lander, sob that you've doomed the entire future of NASA.
32. While playing Donkey Kong and Kong climbs off with the girl, yell "hey! Put my girlfriend DOWN! Pick on someone your own...species!" Whenever Kong climbs to a higher building, say "oooh, NOW it's personal".
33. While playing Moon Patrol and you get to the wave where there's several big craters you have to jump over, claim to anyone standing nearby that there's a secret to making the asteroid-lurking creature in The Empire Strikes Back movie pop out of one of the craters. When playing a two-player game, hum the Moon Patrol theme when you're not playing. Stop humming it when it's your turn.
34. Walk around the arcade saying that playing video games causes people to become violent. Persist until someone takes a swing at you, then tell them that they proved your point and that they should consider counseling.
35. If someone walks up to Centipede to play it, hand them a can of Raid and says it works better than using the blaster in the game.
36. Whenever someone shoots a DDT bomb in Millipede, say "wow, man, mushroom!" in your best Tommy Chong impression.
37. While playing Dragon's Lair and some nerd watches you play, tell him you have a sister that looks just like Princess Daphne and ask if he'd like to meet her.
38. When starting a game of Wizard of Wor, press the start button and just stand there. When someone asks why you aren't playing, say you're waiting for the wizard to show up so he'll send you home, although you'll need the red slippers. When someone tells you it's Wizard of Wor, and not the Wizard of Oz, say "oh, well then, what am I DOING wasting my time on this then?" and stomp off.
39. When you get to a Grid Bug screen on Tron, yell for the arcade manager, saying you need an exterminator because there's bugs in the game.
40. Whenever you walk by a pinball game, sing the line from the 70s song (I think it was from The Who) in regards to the kid "sure plays a mean pinball".
41. Whenever someone has just finished their game of a space-themed shooter, shake your head in disgust, claim to be from outer space, and complain bitterly that you don't appreciate the way aliens are always stereotyped as to being violent. Say that your mother ship will be here in three years to pick up various "people" that are actually aliens, including some celebrities (don't name any), as well as "you Earthlings are going to be sorry" when the majority of them have been deemed not good enough to join any of you back to your home of vast riches and paradise.
42. In Badlands, tell someone that the bad guys were modeled after Clint Eastwood. Say the same thing about the good guys when a different person walks up to check out the game.
Well, that's probably enough. Now back to your regularly scheduled program...programs. (Might as well end all that with a Tron movie reference.)
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